How to Deal with Detachment and Solitude
First of all, cause I wrote this in 1st January 2022, I want to say Happy New Year 2022! I pray for everyone safeness in this pandemic❤
It’s been 2 years since the first case of corona virus were reported. And I’ve been through a lot in this pandemic, it wasn’t something that I’ve ever imagine I’d face it one day but here I am passing my hit-the-rock-bottom moment safely. In this pandemic there were lots of losses, lots of heartbreaks that I have to face on. This heart-wrenching experience has changed me to be a brand new person today, it is led me to my “awakening journey”.
The word “lost” has never been my favorite, cause I used to not carry my emotions well in that situation. There used to be so much unresolved feelings in me, even my sadness turned into anger cause I could not proceed with it well at that time. I vividly remember those days when I felt my heart hurt so bad一physically it felt like there was a fire burning in my epigastrium and also my back hurts like I were carrying globe like Atlas. On some of those days, I’d find my self sobbing on the floor cause I can not endure the pain that physically hurted me very badly. Even my brain can’t work very well at that time, all I do is questioning “Why all of this happen to me? Why is everyone leaving me?” those questions are all I can hear in my head during that time. And to put a cherry on the top of my problems, I don’t do anything to resolve it. Instead, all I do is repressed and distracted my emotions to avoid the pain.
For months I felt so lost, I’m grieving so much for the people who left me at that time either it because of the dead or another reasons. Everyday I feel blue, until I realized I can’t just stay here and waiting someoneto help me. Something that woke me up at that time is when I know I have to accepted nothing in this world is eternal, two people meet and sometimes two people sperated away too for their own good. So I have to deal with it.
The first thing first, that I do to recover from my breakdown experience is to do a simple routine to keep me feeling alive again. Things like eating healthy meals or do my skincare are the easiest way to help me back on track again. And to heal from my physical pain when I was thinking too much, I tried to pull myself to seeking for professional help. Other than that, I was thinking to make a great bond with the people that love me to build my support chains, so I started to talk about what I felt to my families and friends. They helped me so much to keep my progress on my healing journey stays in line. For 10 months, my progress goes back and forth. One day I felt so energized but the next day suddenly I felt blue again. But I have to remind myself: keep moving forward is the only answer.
In the progress to keep moving forward, I realize that I also learned how to mastering detachment. I was too naive to understand not all people have good intentions for us. Reflected from what I’ve been thru, when we are too dependent on other people it’s going to be a boomerang to us. Not only financially but also emotionally we have to grow on our own and discover what we need and how we solve our own needs. I had abruptly formed this kind of mindset: people are temporary, we only have ourselves for the rest of our life, so we need to take care of ourselves. And in the end, I already learned to acknowledge the main problems, to face my fears, and to get rid of my own doubts.
For the epilog, I want to pray for all of my families and my friends who passed away in these past two years. May their spirit rest in love in heaven…